Thankful Thanksgiving...Final Assessment

As our home emptied after a day full of food, family, friends, and, hopefully, fun, I sat, catching up on my emails and favorite blogs. I read the thoughts of gratitude, shared by the many many wonderful people I learn from...and I felt sad. It seemed...at least to me...that they had a perfect Thanksgiving...food was perfect, the preparation came out right and on time, their homes were perfectly decorated and spotlessly cleaned. The family had shared baking pies, peeling potatoes...memories of blessings throughout the year were heartily shared. No fights, no misunderstandings...just blessed wonderful peace and gratitude.

My day, I tearfully realized, had not been that way. It started out fine...I exercised, I ran-even wished a kindly little old man walking his dog a happy Thanksgiving, though I fear he thought I was some kind of nut and didn't reply. I tried to clean, cook, plan, prepare...and then, came the issues that seem to only plague me...I often feel like one of those circus acts where the guy puts a plate on a stick and spins it...and then spins another...and another...and another...and then has to run back and forth, re-spinning each and every plate, keeping it going, while draining himself of all the joy and energy. One misunderstood a time issue, one activity was planned that might interfere with final preps here...I cried, and called, trying to keep that "plate" spinning. Phew...one trouble down...then a difference over a cracker...anger...yelling...phew...another plate spinning...cooking...cleaning...one only hears part of the problem and makes a comment...blow up...tears...another plate tottering-must release anger and frustration and get it spinning...company comes...all are waiting, but some are missing...appears I have AGAIN offended...try to make that better and get that teetering plate spinning again...Food good, dinner cleaned...keep that plate spinning over a future gift situation...games outside...dessert...keep the plates spinning...divide the leftovers...Christmas talk....shopping...still hard feelings...keep that plate spinning. By the time all left, I finished putting away the Thanksgiving Decor, and put up the rest of the Christmas...teary that a day had gone by, and MY traditions...the things I take time to remind myself of...were forgotten, simply because I was trying to keep everything from crashing to the floor in a pile of pottery pieces.

I fell asleep, teary, woke up, exercised, ran 3 miles...and sobbed. What a sad day...for I had created this sadness. This is my family...I love each and every person...I try to make everyone happy...and it appears all is for naught. Angry words and feelings continued, even out of my presence. What have I done wrong? I taught them to pray...prayed with them, prayed for them...supported them, helped them, trained them...yet, my family picture seems so much different from everyone...on Facebook...on Blogger...The deep sadness overcame me, like none I had ever felt. So, here I go, try to get those plates a spinnin' again.

To my dear family...near and far. I love each and every one of you...just the way you are. Just because I may do things differently at my house, does not mean I in any way feel you can not do things your way when you are responsible at your homes. Some things that were said, and done throughout the day...just remember, things that you may see are just the outside...the stress coming to the top...not the every day. My sweetheart and I are dealing with more than you will ever realize. We don't wear our hearts on our sleeves. We want all of you to be happy, and successful, and for all your dreams to come true. We never set out to hurt you, or hold you back, or ever tried to slight you in any way. Please do not judge...put the happenings of the day behind you. Remember the good things, each and every day, that are done in your behalf...the thoughts for you when shopping, the help, the patience...try to be thankful for the good that has been done. Love each other...forgive and forget. Remember, Thanksgiving should never, ever be one day a year...but every day. Thanksgiving should be celebrated every morning, every night, when you pray, and every time you look into the eyes of these imperfect people in this imperfect family...forget what mistakes we make, where we may lack, our poor decisions. Deep down...all of us love each other...and that is really all that matters, and what should be shouted from the rooftops..."thank you...for my family...and for love!"