Sand and Stone

"Write your heartaches and disappointments in the sand. Carve your blessings in stone." I saw this on "Paula's Bread", a blog I read, this morning. She was commenting on her Christmas that didn't come up to expectations. Now, I don't know the details...my blogging lately has consisted of just running through titles and stopping only at those that grabbed my attention...but I DO know that I am guilty of just the opposite. My latest: my "entering the working world" which lasted about 3 days! After three months of study and hard work, I started at what I thought would be doing taxes, but ended up "selling" refund anticipation loans, etc., and making sure I check when people try to cheat (with so many, many cautions, questions, and warnings about my PERSONAL responsibility for those that cheat...i left scared to death every day!) Plus, I really was not being successful in getting my sweet family to take over what I could not do, so my Sunday was filled with working, as was my every moment off. The first day totally off was so full of work at home, that I was DEAD! I guess my studying over the three months did not get them into any habit of taking up the slack. So, I had to resign. I had to give up so much because of the work I was doing all that time: no "Play It Again" marching band, limited Christmas traditions like my village, my ornaments, and just lots of stuff. This is definitely a failure that I have carved deep in stone. I kept on going, not wanting to be a quitter, but it was not working, and it felt so very badly every time I went. The distance was taking a large part of my income - income that they never really discussed with me. I never knew my hours one day to the next. It just didn't work out, but I really loved doing the taxes...the math, the figuring...so fun for me. The only positive thing: I did gain much confidence in my studying abilities, so I enrolled in a college writing class...Next, to re-do and do anew my math...not afraid any more.

So, right now, the stone has this failure engraved in it...hopefully, the stone will not prove to be marble, but maybe sandstone, and, with time, and a success or two, maybe the engraving will wash away. I sure hope so...