Friday, August 7, 2009

Taking A Step Back

The last few years have given us a share of challenges. With jobs, or lack thereof, babies born, babies lost, choices that are hard to deal with, but, nevertheless, one must stand by and watch and worry and hope and pray. I have learned about what it means to love someone, no matter what their weaknesses, no matter what their choices, no matter what they do...or don't do, no matter how mad or crazy or just plain tired you feel. matter what. That is what I have tasted, and what really feels good. It feels good to know that I love no matter what. I have discovered in myself that I seriously cannot think of ANYTHING that would stop my love for my husband, for my children. Choices...actions...though I don't understand them, or agree with them...choices do not make my love for each and every one of them go away...or decrease. I hope they know this...that they feel this.

Anyway, I am learning to just get by with the love I feel. That is why, as I was thinking about things in a solemn moment last week, I realized that some of the things that I had prayed, and prayed, and thought, and even stopped praying for because I felt my prayers were bordering on vain repetitions...that some of those things are, bit by bit by bit, starting to change. Small steps are being taken. Small actions are coming to pass. They are sometimes so minute that I didn't even stop to think. Sometimes, I guess, when we want something so badly, we often don't recognize the answers starting to come. I realized this, and thought..."heck, what did you want to happen? A big, huge boom of a miracle that just takes your breath away. Uh uh...not gonna happen. Line upon line, precept upon precept. Inch by inch. Row by row. Yes, things may be a changing. Now, there may be setbacks...and I am ever so conscious of that. It's like when the Berlin Wall was being torn down so long ago. I watched on television a wall that had been there my entire life. And, I didn't recognize the miracle, the bit by bit, that was happening. While that was monumental, the actions that followed were also tremendous. I just didn't take the time to see the bit by bit. I couldn't believe, and so I didn't watch...just to protect my hopes and my heart for those people. I am not gonna stop and protect. I love my matter where the go, or where they live, or what they believe, or what they drink or eat or read. I am just gonna love...and step back and watch...and, hopefully, marvel at the miracles that are coming...the answers to a mother's prayer. Stop. Look. and be thankful...that is what I need to do. Be thankful for every step, for every change, for every choice, for every sign. Thank you, dearest Father, for listening, and for reminding me that answers do time.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Yes, i've noticed that too..and sometimes it feels like the answer will never come...i've got some of that going on too.